twenty-two

Only I can tell

2011-12-30T00:34:00.001+08:00

Someone angry at me..

He had care too much for me, ya.

I was speechless at one point of time, yea I may not get it the way a guy anxious about his girl who went drinking and clubbing with other girl friends without letting him know.

Drinking is totally not my style. In the pub, I ordered orange juice like seriously. But I had few sips from my friend drinks each. In the club, just beer... took a few sips too.

Long time back, I didn't even take a single sip. Is either I don't drink at all or just chew some ice chip. And my friends know me well enough. Now, different story... I... I think I have failed to be me in a certain way. I am such a letdown sometimes.

I didn't get to be perfect like what and how a Virgo can be.

All in all, I am pretty lucky to have him to care about me too.

So far he has got good temper, can tolerate all my shit.

But, it is so unfair for him.

huge ass card

2011-12-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

The farewell card, hand it personally to Mummy Doris.
She is a good and awesome staff therefore she deserve this little small thing I have done for her.

Though sometimes she may talk a bit too much but it is kinda entertaining.

She gonna be missed man.

'People come and go' very true indeed.

Instantly

2011-12-26T11:58:00.003+08:00

Hello....

Year 2011 coming to an end soon. I don't know what to expect at all.

Thankfully I am on leave for a week. pretty cool! I called it [Temporary Retired] .Get to be away from ward for two Public Holiday is really awesome.

I was still working last year with a very emotional mood. Heartbroken totally. Me and him were badly damaged. sigh...

Managed to catch up with a few of my close friend in JB on 25th Dec evening for dinner. Celebrated YL & HZ birthday. Yvonne and Cindi just came back from KL, countdown for Christmas in KL. As for me I was at home during Christmas eve.

Going to Penang with my family for another celebration later. Back on the 29th, then got to go back to ward to give mummy Doris (permanent night staff) her farewell card. I only trust myself to do it as I still need to paste pictures all over the freaking huge-ass card. She is gonna love it.

Till then.. be back soon..

New preceptee....

2011-12-07T23:57:00.004+08:00

Sister assigned me a new preceptee, a girl from NYP. Total 7 of them, NP & NYP year 3.
I was so excited to meet her! Sister told me she is the only one sponsored by TTSH and most likely will be coming back to the ward.

It was a huge responsibility I sense... Well, I take it like a big deal. Having her to be under my care, I am sure sister must have trusted me & my work enough. Okay, I am totally cool with it.

Seen her during the noon time, I was guessing which one and then I sort of guess it right. I called this girl out and squinted my eyes to see her name-tag while she is walking towards me. I was so shy and then I said nothing. I don't know how to intro myself as her preceptor. I guess I will just let her find out herself who is 'Ai Kim'. hahah!!! *funny* Wow!!! She is so pretty!!! hahah!!! Pretty Malay girl, not so minah tho, most importantly she look smart. Maybe is a mixed blood? Yup, guess she is a fast learner and maybe kinda independent. Lets see if my judgement is correct.

Spoken to her after me and my colleagues finished decorating Christmas tree which is like 8pm already. First thing she asked me, what you want me to read?

I was like... ''hahah.. chill this is just your first week..'' Just familiarize with the surrounding and get to know people. Learn up juniors works these two weeks because she may not have the chance to backdate. I find observing people and building rapport is the key thing. Observe how people function and pick up their good point. Take initiative and be observant. That is what I want her to learn first. In short, attitude. And then I lost focus on what to say... I told her she is my second preceptee... and I will see her again after 4 days..

WARD Year end party

2011-12-07T23:12:00.004+08:00

On the 5th Dec 2011 was the ward year end party..
It was a success I can say.. things go smoothly except I have a colleague have to fried chicken wings the last minute as her mum unable to do it.

I have planned for half cooked and half uncooked due to the weather as we are doing outdoor.
I have my reason for it. If they want to fight for only BBQ, there is no way. They got to know the way I planned.

I been appointed as the leader to organize this party since end of October. The committee I have are really capable and so dedicated and committed which in a way help me to have this event organize well enough and impress most people. I am so grateful to everyone and especially the weather for being so kind to us.

My booked BBQ pit area was having construction so the BBQ pit that was assigned was not that ideal because after recce, we seen 2 puddles of water nearby. I have to call AXS to change the pit. Who knows I have to gone through so much trouble changing the pit, told me 'have to e-mail to Npark and wait for approval'. The thing is I need it like tomorrow, how can I wait. It was raining so heavily that I need to go to woodgrove AXS machine to check any available pit. I was so pissed of already that i waited since 11am till 4.30pm hoping that I get to change immediately. At last, I just pay for a new pit.
I was worried mad too as I've checked the weather forecast it says gonna rain whole day. Well, I follow some tradition which we always do during NYP's time when having event, it works!! seriously...

So, the dedicated committee reached at 11am, carrying all those decorating stuff and some snack & drinks. 2 pm, catering arrived. Before that, our nurse manager kind enough to travel from ward to bring us ladder, trolley, ice and water dispenser container. He kinda 'cabut' from the ward during his lunch time. We quicken our work of decorating and the proceed to setting up fire and arranging stuff.

It was totally cool, all these manage by the 4 of us. My another 2 committee came like 2.30pm. I was doing deep breathing to calm down my nerve because they are suppose to reach at 12pm. Keep on telling me they are frying the last piece of chicken!!!

Around 5 pm, almost all staffs from morning shift arrive.
Everything is well and fun.

They love my grass skirt so much and I look so pretty in it... with the flower garland.
Luckily I match my outfit correctly without much trouble. HAwaiian~

Not forgetting our psy consultant manage to find us like 7pm. HE really look for us because the pit wasn't updated in the e-mail. It was suppose to be at pit 23. OMG!!! He had walk a long long way to find us. Wow!!! He is so...... I don't know what to say.. I mean we were so touched by his appear. but he left after taking a few pictures and taken two satays. HAHA.. *laughs*

I blog more often when I am damn upset.

2011-11-26T17:08:00.001+08:00

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

May the peace be with our inner self.

the guilt and what matters the most

2011-11-26T16:33:00.004+08:00

I don't believe in miracle and there won't be one.

Been a week the last time I saw you.
If I say I didn't miss you, it is a lie. But, I can't really tell you that much.
It sucks to come to know I miss you so often but maybe not as much as you miss me.
Trying to be strong like nothing has ever happened, it is so hard. I can sense that people around me can tell the different I have changed. It is very obvious and I realized it too.
Sometimes I just want to cry out in font of someone who really understand my plight without uttering a word or going into details and the person is just you.

The text you send me this morning made me so happy, it seems like you know I am waiting for it.
People may think our relationship is just a year thing and can get over easily.
I think we have gone too deep that is why it matters the most.

It gonna take the longest time, this time I don't know how long.
I wouldn't expect too much because I am the one letting you go and pushing you out of my life.

I shouldn't be upset or trying to figure out who have you gone out with or which girl you are chatting with because I know I don't have the right now.
Sometimes it just hurt like mad.

Hoping we can get through this hardship, somehow, someday.
Will be busy for the next whole week cause I am gonna work for 6 days before my off.
Really do hope nothing interrupts it, I just taken one MC few days ago, very emotionally hurt like hell!!!
Haven't been involve with ADC stuff for quite a long time, this 30th will be the combined PT, guess I should drop by if I get to swap my shift.
Adventure race in January so have to train my stamina too.

In the meantime, I was appointed to be the leader organizing Ward year End Party.

Thank God everything is sorted out now, venue and food.
Just need to have a rough idea about the itinerary and decorations.
Thankful to have a bunch of supportive colleague. I know they are people who may not like it but, those are only a small bunch of them maybe just a handful. Doesn't really matter.

It is their decision to behave like this. Who cares!!

Having the chance to plan this event sort of helping me building up my strength and confidant.
Thanks for my bosses' trust in me. Thought they may get some senior to do it. But hey! i can do it too... being this active made me happy too.

SHATTERED -trading yesterday

2011-11-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

Lyrics:

Yesterday I died; tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies
And losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
But the silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown
And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
A reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
With love gone for so long
And this day's ending
Is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold

And I've lost who I am, (i'm waiting)
and I can't understand (and fading)
Why my heart is so broken, (and holding)
rejecting your love, (love) without, (onto these tears)
love gone wrong; lifeless words carry on (i am crying)
But I know, all I know's that the end's beginning (i'm dying tonight)
who I am from the start, (i'm waiting)
take me home to my heart (and fading)
Let me go and I will run, (and holding)
I will not be silent, (silent) all this time (onto these tears)
spent in vain; wasted years wasted gain (i am crying)
All is lost but hope remains and this war's not over (i'm dying tonight)
There's a light, there's a sun (i'm waiting...)
taking all these shattered ones
To the place we belong (i am waiting...)
and his love will conquer all

Yesterday I died; tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight

First Curl

2011-11-24T23:01:00.003+08:00

Spend 3 hours at saloon.
Decided to curl my hair after seeking opinion form my hairdresser.

Just, didn't have time to dye it.
Also, just realized it has been 3 years I have her to do my hair. The only person I trust when come to hairdo. hahaha...
Have bangs and straightened it and now my hair is long enough to curl... yay!! <3

thunderstorm please kill me

2011-11-22T22:08:00.004+08:00

Pretty stressed up like fuck! I have never yelled at anyone before... never! Never to anyone close to me or love me. FUCK!!! seriously... Why things turn out this way. I don't mind giving up my life now. It is very pain living this way. I don't know how to face both people. I make them upset, suffered, heartbroken, dying... I am just too sinful to be in this world and to be accepted by people.
Don't make a person full of hatred and sadness.

Fuck My Life. That's it!

I miss my real smile and the way I am. I missed how I use to be.
I've turned into someone I am unsure of. Being controlled by some force. Damn!!
It seems like I've lost everything too.

20-11-2011

2011-11-20T01:51:00.006+08:00

[late post]

Hey there... Finally a break from te ward for a short gateaway to Batam with Stella on 17 & 18 Nov. A last minute plan on which destination as we were waiting for better deal at deal dot sg. It was a great trip tho, stuck in Turi Bearh Resort. Kind of relaxing and a romantic place to be at.
Took an hour long ferry from Tanah Merah Terminal to Batam Terminal. Warm welcome
by Turi Beach staff and transported by a van to the resort. Process our check in. Thought of upgrading but it's too expensive, need additional $128. Hang out in our room, thought of napping but end up playing monopoly, the card version. Next, we had lunch and tour around the resort. We decided to go for massage too, pick the type of massage we ant and make appointment immediately.

There is beach outside and along it has hammock too. Very nice scenery and weather that day is good. We had a late sumptuous lunch, total is $36. Kinda reasonable. They have nice dessert, Es Tellar.

Next we found two swimming pools, Aqua pool and Emerald pool. Stella was so eager to swim. Next we changed into swimwear and jump into the pool. Not long later, time for massage. I was feeling hungry while doing massage, that's extremely weird. Can't wait for it to be over because I'm quite ticklich with massage on my body. Next up is tepanyaki dinner then chill out till late night chatting. Ordered some cocktail but I ordered orange juice, can't really consume alcoholic beverage. I received SingTel signal on and off and certain places especially in the restaurant. So wish dear was with us there. I know we can't to be too greedy to ask for more sometimes.

Well, met up with dear when I back in Singapore. Great date with him. He is having his AL yet no plan. Hoping that he is not too upset by it.

It's 20-11-2011, just changed my phone wallpaper to a new Christmas tree that we saw together at CCK.

hola.. final battle...

2011-10-06T13:37:00.002+08:00

Can't believe it tomorrow is my exam... gosh.. It seems like yesterday where I just started school with Izzi and the rest of them.. How time flies..really..

Kinda missed Izzi too... we been in the same class for 3 semester except for this last module.

I am just so fortunate to have her around, she will guide me most of the time because I am blur most of the time.

Part time study is quite tiring you see... I attended my tutorials after work whereas, she usually gets day off for it.

I still remember very clearly for research module, I can't get what is qualitative and quantitative until the point where we about to start our assignment. I will always turn to her and ask. It's so funny.

Health assessment, we joke and talk nonsense behind the curtain most of the time like seriously.. Our lecturer is the best... HAHAH!! So lenient too... Thinking we are actually practicing on our skills with curtain drawn.

Foundation of healthcare and PPI, we took pictures most of the time... Both are tough module you know... It's TOUGH!! So many theories and facts.

This is for you Izzi... Gonna miss ya a lot...

Thanks for being there too when my emotional gets the hell out of me.

I'll remember you..

Love,

Ai Kim.

Besides Izzi,

The two most person I'm gonna be thanking is Silly Smurf Shaifullah and Leela.

They are my greatest friend and lover. Being supportive all the way. I know I can't do it without them.

They are just there for me whenever I need them. Never once leave me facing problem alone.

I am just so thankful despite whatever happened before.

I don't know what is my plan next.

Just hope people like them stay in my life the way they appear in my life.

Oh ya, one more person, my best colleague YiLing... Clicked so well with her in the ward. The only person I trusted the most there.

Alright, time to hit my notes again...

Portfolio in progress

2011-09-27T02:08:00.004+08:00

26/09/2011

Rushing portfolio since evening...

Left with 4 reflective practice, development plans and letter of application to do.

Need to reflect back, so I thought I could try my luck by referring back to my blog if I have typed out those activities or those experiences. Can't use them anyway.. hmph...

Still need to find those appendixes..

hur hur....

kind last minute already..

must buck up!!!

Feels really good back at home.

But I will always get flu/runny nose whenever I am back here. I will be spending half of the day in bed... Half box of the tissue gone too...

Julia asked me if I want to tag along with their bangkok trip in early December... 4D3N. yay.. Gonna request tomorrow~

Gd night...

miss you silly smurf~

How extremely tired my night shift was... no words can express it..

2011-09-26T00:18:00.003+08:00

Continuously worked non-stop like mad!!!

For both nights and on a weekend..

I can't believe that.

Hourly parameter x3

2hourly parameter x1

Transfer out one case for telemetry bed

IV Abx x 5

IV drip x 3 patients. To change every 5 hours.

Clear urinal

12 reports to write.

Towards the morning,

One new case admitted.

Ryle tube feeding with medication x4

Blood sugar monitoring x 8.

Oh well... I survived with my junior though...

On the bright side, I could improve my multitasking skills... Like, calling pharmacist, diluting IV abx, and writing report.. 3 in 1. Can you imagine that? OMG!!!

I am so tired and drained out now.

Can't even sit down properly and do my portfolio.

Exam coming soon... haven't study....

Final module

2011-09-21T22:31:00.005+08:00

ONE YEAR ONE MONTH

My ongoing and also final module for my Bachelor in Science (Nursing).

Doing Management in Health Care module now, assignment consist of portfolio - 70% and 50MCQ -30%.

Yeah, hope and wish that I could get at least a distinction for this.

Well, I totally have no idea what is for my MCQ seriously.. tutorials that I attended doesn't register in my brain mostly.

mmmmm....

Two more weeks to October.

After 5th October, there will be no more lessons.

Left with Exam and portfolio submission. 7th & 10th.

Guess, it is definitely not the final yet.

Still got to pursue whatever is there for me.

The world is big, and my dream is as big as this world.

Portfolio is all about memory... collecting your past achievements and little things...

Time consuming also... urgh!!!

Lastly, this degree only takes up only one year and two months. yay!!

September

2011-09-19T15:28:00.002+08:00

Back in Singapore, dear celebrate birthday with me

He managed to surprise me again.

Yup, we planned to watch smurf together.

Thought that he would book the normal couple seating.

He actually booked Gold Class seat from GV, vivocity.

Totally shocked after realizing us walked on red carpet to collect ticket from the counter.

I still thought he was joking.

It was an enjoyable evening with him.

End the day with Max Brenner.

Awesome chocolate.

baby<3

Attended Dr's Eelynn's wedding at Shereton Hotel.

First time attending a wedding lunch.

Went with Dr Anna & Dr Xiao Hui.. They were MOs and Ho from my ward before.

So glad to be able to attend and seeing Eelynn in her wedding dress.

Very beautiful...

IV cannulation course....

Thank God I have Yi_Ling with me..

It was fun though..

Like our CNE... so lenient!!

This boy, patient's visitor...

He had smurf toy...

Awwww........ asked form him to take picture...

Our sushi feast... delicious..!!

Orgasmic meal...

cream puff!!! tsk...

Happy birthday To ME

2011-08-29T00:47:00.001+08:00

source

Some people say a year older means a year wiser...

Is that so?

Tell me about it...

I haven't think of any wish to make for this birthday..

An odd number, 23.

This year and last year feeling is totally different.

I took leave for a week...but I've got no plans.

So not motivated or inspired to do anything...

I definitely want a holiday by the beach but...sigh... oh well... :P

August_baby

2011-08-28T22:43:00.004+08:00

Which birthday are you in?

AUGUST=ATTITUDE
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. self control. kind hearted. Self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of “that someone”. longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by “no pain no gain” caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious.. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

Turn it up..mash it up...

2011-07-28T16:03:00.002+08:00

Step Up-3

Last year movie.

Always reminds me the moment we had, happy moment I meant.

It has been long I last blogged.

Life been busy with everything.

Always wanted to write, but ending up sleeping or going out.

So many ups and downs all these months. Seriously, I don't have to blog about them anymore because I have someone to hear me out. I used to blog because I have no one close to talk to.

Life ain't always easy and everyday
we're survivors

I have got promoted from SN 2 to SN 1, completion of two years bond.

Almost going for advance diploma this coming October. Boss decided not to send me as I still have my Degree going on. Dilemma between which to advance, Medical-Surgical or Psych.

Don't have to worry about them first. Next intake is April 2012.

Preceptorship

I have a new staff nurse under my care. I am her secondary preceptor though. First time preceptoring a preceptee. I got the most challenging girl to precept! I have really try my best and be so much patience. Certain days she really got on my nerve and I asked myself how can I help her, how can I teach her? It is really not easy. Thank God I been to perceptorship course few weeks ago, sort of know the technique a little.

Still I want to make her the best girl who can function just like me.

I know how people has judged her, I really don't like the idea of her being judged seriously.

Believe me, I will want to make a change of their view on her.

LAst semester! Last module

MANAGEMENT!

Class just started, can't believe my degree is ending soon.

The sad thing is, can't be int he same class with all of the 8 friends I met in the first sem.

We planned to enrolled in the same class, end up 3 of us in one class. The other two in one class.

How sad is that! Yesterday was my first tutorial, it was so different without Izzi... sigh...

How I miss us. =(

Anyway, I hope there will be a graduation trip for us. I don't know, just go on a short trip or an outing - the 8 of us.

This semester is dear first sem!! hahah!! Good luck to him, don't forget I am here to help him with Biology. =)

3 nights

I don't know how am I going to survive this 3 night shift. I have never done three nights!

-_-

Okay, till then... I will blog another time.

Time to nap...

9-5-2011

2011-05-10T18:48:00.003+08:00

PRESENTATION DAY

Research of articles, group discussions, worrying. The day we've been waiting for week after weeks...
We presented our Burning question which is, "How effective is hyperbaric oxygen therapy in chronic wound healing?"
We thought we would have a lots of articles to prove it. Unfortunately it is too late to change so we stick to it and make the best out of it. Most of the articles say more valid and better quality research is needed to determine the effect of HBOT on wound healing. Studies only support the concept of adjunctive treatment enhances foot ulcer healing.

Well, our conclusion did not match our burning question. Besides that, most of our articles talk about diabetic wound and amputation. Lecturer gave us a chance to change on the spot and also discuss why our group chosen this topic as HBOT is quite an expensive treatment.
Thank God one of the audience help us with the answer to the cost of HBOT per session.
Honestly, we never research about the cost at all.

The group went silent for a minute...
I then quickly think of some answer...
"As there is so many patients with diabetic, definitely there is so many of them going through amputation of limbs. We need to salvage their limbs so that they don't have to be amputated. HBOT helps in wound healing in a way. When one is going through amputation, the cost of surgery is greater, longer hospital stay, risk of infection, in the future is the need of prosthesis for the stump. From my experience, my patient complaint about how poorly design is his prosthesis. A new prosthesis is needed and it costs quite a lot too for making one."

The lecturer satisfied with my answer and mentioned that I should have brought it up at the start of the presentation so everyone is clear about my purpose.

Oh well... we didn't think of that because we just want to cover on chronic wound healing and not to specific on DM wound. Anyway, that helps to add some point in there. =)
At that moment I felt my part time with fall care team was not wasted. Appreciate whatever my patients had share with me and what I seen for that two months.

Some critiques to our presentation is 2 out of 7 articles we presented are outdated, 10 years ago which is not acceptable. Well, I scrutinised on small things such as references' punctuation and all but totally forgotten about the year of the articles. Another thing is about the table, yeah can see it is so messy as it is really a last minute work.

Tsk... I was speechless when come to know that one of my group member actually kind of irresponsible. Very upsetting...idk... Another one always side track, talk and talk non-stop when we already know the fact about HBOT.. I so wanted to tell him, "give me a break and try to do something." Funny thing is he can left his work at home. I bet he didn't even do it!! I had his article in my e-mail, I went to print and then ask him to do on the spot.
Another girl, find it difficult to compile the slides then pass over to another friend. Oh well... forget it man. It is over!!! Knowing that I have contributed as much as I can makes me happy....

2 more commitment to go for this semester....
Essay and test (June).

End of fall care nurse

2011-05-06T21:16:00.000+08:00

The end of part time fall nurse.
My NC told me that it's confirmed I need to go back to my ward fully..
Well, quite disappointed because I am happy with what I am doing.
It's just two months, approximately 30days. I have learnt something from this department, interacted as much as with patients, get to know each cases in detail, basically very medical base and I like it so much. Curious about how one thing lead to another that affects patient's functional.

My NC she still has got a lot to teach me. Hmm... Well, guess I have to learn them on my own. Probably I could go see her in clinic when I am free or if I have something in doubt. Hmm... She inspired me a lot, seeing her going extra mile for patients. She remembered each case that happened at which level so well that sometimes I was lost when she start to give me task to do like review them. I would quickly dig out that report and read them again.
I would not say it's stress. Because I am always smilling away. Honestly I get distracted everytime at work. I know I wasn't putting my 100%. That's what I regret about. Also I didn't jot down notes for my own reference. Sigh...
I have poor memory so I need notes to refer back..

Guess I gonna miss how I can slack a bit in the office when going through patients' history and radiology report, mediations.

Besides that, I need to be back on night shift!! Alright then, I will think on the bright side. Night shift meaning got more allowance. Heh... And get to think of what to eat for breakfast. Got extra sleeping day.

Shift hour means don't have to get stuck in crowded MRT in the morning, cab fare will be cheaper before 7am, finish work earlier.
Alright...better set back my mood.

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Best nightmare

2011-04-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

I woke up sobbing away...
I dreamt that I turned myself in after I killed 4 people with a gun. I don't know why did I do that.
When I got into the police car, I cried...
I asked policeman, what's the punishment of killing. Jail or death sentance?!

Day off & PH

2011-04-22T21:37:00.002+08:00

Hey... It's been a while since I blog. Having day off yesterday and Good Friday PH today. It feels good! So well rested and completed one of my essay.

Met up with dear for breakfast, hotcakes yesterday in the morning. Yea, very contented breakfast. We talked about breakfast everyday and one of the day he even mentioned how he looking forward to it. He is so lucky ain't he?! After breakfast, proceed to library. This time round we must get a table with socket nearby, need a place so I could continue my PPI assignment 1.

Spend half of the day in library, without even realising it, we skipped lunch. He didn't even utter a word, didn't even disturb me. I knew he must be hungry big time. Overloaded him with choc mint sweets.. Haha!!
Towards the evening, need to submit to turnitin for assignment check. It's a website to detect any plagiarism. Unfortunately, this blur Queen of me submitted the wrong file. Instead of 1500 words, it's approx 100 words.
I was so fucking stressed!! Why in the hell I click the wrong file.
Apparently, there are two file with similar name on my desktop. Really crazy!!

Well, nothing can be done. I left with one chance, which is today to submit to turnitin again.
I went home, showered and change clothes. 6pm to meet up with colleagues at sakura, farewell dinner for two of them whom resigned, changed of ward.

After that met up with Shaifullah at PS again. He waited for me almost two hours alone. Goodness!! Found out by Rachel. :/
Anyway, the point is we finally watch a good show at Cathay!! ARTHUR!!! Absolutely one of the amazing show. Hilarious movie!! Loving it!!
I want a magnetic bed and a nanny too...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now.... Meeting up with Charlene and gang for dinner...

8 of us had dinner at S11 amk. After that durian dessert nearby... well, that durian dessert not as fantastic.
A gathering for Qing ying as she is leaving for Australia in June for degree.

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Pillow

2011-04-20T01:56:00.000+08:00

Finally got my new pillow from Toa Payoh after my evening class.
John Little got sales, actual preice $79.90, I bought it for $39.95. =D
My neck has been aching like hell, I need a new pillow...
After bought pillow with izzi, we went for KOI.. ovaltine ice-cream flavour and fillet-o-fish, 1 for 1. Yummy.... <3

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We all have feelings

2011-03-24T13:10:00.000+08:00

I was so upset last night.
Looking at this world is not perfect and yet people make it worst.
Not pointing finger time but, I don't know. I came across a very pitiful scene/moment.
I don't think this old demented lady doesn't deserve such treatment from healthcare worker. Whatever it is, I told my NC whatever I saw. She agreed that it is very pitiful and people with this kind of bad attitude not fit to be a nurse at all.
How horrible it is seeing all this.

This make me dislike that girl even more!
But, once again I can't dislike people. Well, I will just let it past and not to keep them in my heart and feelings.
Let bygones be bygones.

May the peace be with me.

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Loving what I am doing

2011-03-09T09:16:00.000+08:00

I am really thankful for the golden opportunity given to me last month. Can't thank God enough for this. As in attach to a Fall and balance's Nurse Clinician.
It has been two weeks. Learning still in progress. Along the way, I pick up things especially those nitty gritty informations. Initially, I did a lot of scanning of documents in office when NC is not around to guide me. Otherwise will be at outpatient clinic observing assessments done on patient by doctors and the Physiotherapist.

Today, I went to see a case by myself in the ward. It was pretty rushing. Patient going to be discharge at 2pm, the nurse from the ward called the handphone that I'm holding at 11am to report the fall incident that's occur at 10am.

My job is to inform my NC when received calls. She asked if I am comfortable to go to see patient alone. I paused for a second and said 'Okay sure!' Normally doing assesment would take pretty some time especially when I am still learning. Also, my NC gotta orientate new staffs at 1.30pm. Clinic still got one more patient to follow up.

Went up to the ward. Nurses seeing my new face pretty surprised! I then sort of explained a bit before I proceed digging out the casesheet. Of course I greeted the patient first. Adorable 77 year old lady. :)
Interview her how the fall incident happened and so on. Did a physical assessment just like how my NC does. Findings OA knee, kyphoscoliosis.
Read through history from casesheet, medication she taking, referral letter, parameter..

After everything I feel comfortable to leave. Advise given to patients regarding fall prevention at home and so on.

So, I back in the clinic I showed my document to NC. Whoa!!! She threw questions that I can't answer!!!! She is a bit surprise that I missed out certain assessment. After some explaination from her, I told her I will go back and dig more informations.

This time yeah!!! I really review through everything seriously. Check necessary assessment like postural drop, her wrist, gaits, the feet- wide base or narrow base, any shuffling, how is her spine, piriton for what kind of itch, when was the referral, wasthe medication started, gabapentin side effect- any advise given to patient?.
NC taught me that assessment has to be done from head to toe and not to jump straight in to the problem. Which is so true!!! I admit my mistake.
Anyway, she did praise me for the second time presenting to her. Except that, I forgotten to read up the MRI or CT brain findings. To exclude CVA or to diagnose Parkinson.
Yeah...time to read up again.

Been and back from PPI tutorial. Everything is good, been briefed about assigment 1 - Analytical essay.

By the way, in the morning I attach to this (geriatric assessment clinic) GRAC NC, she taught me a lot of things!
The 5i that is under GRAC.

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swollen sclera

2011-03-05T23:23:00.005+08:00

Looking at the eyeball like sinking in, I got so freak out!!
Sclera is melting?

Woke up at 5.15 in the morning, having difficulty in opening my right eye. Have no idea what happened and it was painful too.

Forced open it and look at the mirror. The light was so bright that I almost gone blind. Slowly letting my eyes to adapt. I got a shock of my life. Was that my eye? I really don't know what to do and who to call. It was so bad!!! The white part (sclera) is so swell up and it is like going to come out of the socket. WTF! Call ambulance? Go ENT? Wake my cousin up? What I afraid was, if continue to swell up until my eyeball disappear then that is K.O already. I must do something to reduce the swell.

Tried to calm down and get ice from the fridge to ice it first. Maybe can help to reduce the swell.

Iced for 15min then went back to sleep. Before I sleep, I google 'swollen sclera' on my phone to find the cause and treatment.

Woke up two hours later, to find the swell is still there. Unfortunately I have to skip my first PPI lecture. Back to sleep after send text messages to Izzi. Slept with a heavy heart, thinking what's the plan.

So, I went to family clinic. Prescribed with chloramphenicol eyedrop and oral serratiopeptidase + 1 day MC. Advised me to go hospital if there is blurred vision.

Well, so far not that bad yet. It is improving. Thank God!

phew....

What a horrified day!!

emotional anesthesia

2011-02-28T22:38:00.006+08:00

Everything happened for a reason

Everyone comes and go

Everywhere doesn't look the same as before

Every breath we take is every step we take

Every kiss we share is the moment itself

Every smile we see is never the same

Every word we speak is never a promise

Every heart that breaks it don't breakeven

Every flower that bloom will die one day

Every rock that falls break into pieces.

Monday freedom

2011-02-28T21:15:00.002+08:00

GOODBYE February....

My day in nurse clinician office today is fine.
Been scanning more than 300 pages of documents since my nurse clinician is out for course.
What document? E-HOR... scan into softcopy so that hardcopy can be shred!! To save space.

Multitasking as well... surf net- checking out the unit outline for my new module, play words game on my phone, sms my friends, massive what's app people the coupon for Macdonald 1 for 1 a la carte meal.

Hematoma for a week already

2011-02-28T14:25:00.000+08:00

Wth!!!

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Time to get new watch soon

2011-02-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

Checking out magazine in the plane. Happen to see these few watches that catch my eyes.

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Bruises, after two days.

2011-02-23T23:31:00.005+08:00

5hours after removing needle.

2 days later
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Attachment at Geriatric Clinic

2011-02-23T23:31:00.004+08:00

Waking up late today... Work start at 8.30am. I took my own sweet time washing my scrubs and had breakfast. =D
Missed the bus, unfortunately. I was still on time, waited 5min for the next bus.
Get into the train. As the train move further down to town, it starts to get crowded and crowded. Cramped like sardine. This is what I hate about office hour. Public transport so packed!! Dashed out the moment door open at Novena. Walked like a zombie, as usual. People around me are rushing. All are in smart attire whereas me in my faded jeans and t-shirt. Time checked 8.05am. EARLY!!! Okay, walk slowly. .... ...

Greeted my clerk happily in the ward. Just love her cause she is always laughing and smiling away. Few of the staffs... thought I am on course. I don't know how to explain to them about my current attachment. Will they think differently? Or what will happen if I don't greet them.
Some of them found out that I am the 'fall nurse', asked me how did I get it. Did I volunteered or they choose me? hahahha!!! Okay, anyway I will still be my usual self. *smile* =D

Okay, anyway...there is good and bad for this posting. I am still learning. Will update here regarding 'fall nurse' thingy.
It is kind of interesting, at the same time is dry... and...uh... I am so sleepy when work is like so slow pace... zZzzzZZ...

Sister asked me what time did I sleep last night? Gosh.. told her I was PM shift and I slept at 1.30am. hahahha!!!! She talks A LOT!!! most of the thing is so common sense. I don't know... hmm...... I can't be possible to tell her to skip those right. Smile and nod my head all the time...
*nod nod nod* blink blink* When are we having break? My stomach is making noise already!! Thoughts to myself most of the time. =P

Peace.

Blood donation

2011-02-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

Today suppose to be the 6th. But failed because the needle wasn't being placed properly. Have to terminate halfway.
Now swelling has reduced but still having slight pain whenever I bend my arm. Haven't seen any bruise yet so far. Gonna inspect come morning.

If I remember correctly, that attendent wasn't paying so much attention when cleaning the site and inserting the needle. How I wish she could be more focus and pay more attention when come to inserting huge needle into someone's vein.

Anyway, I've gotten a medal for my successful five time donation in the past since year 2007. =D

Oh yeah, during the screening the doctor doesn't believe me when I roughly guessed my weight is 47-48kg. He then said, "I guess you'll need to weight again".
'ok, take weight'.
I was laughing inside my heart when the reading shows 47kg. YES!!! I'm correct. ;)

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First half of February

2011-02-15T16:21:00.004+08:00

I can't remember how did I spend my January 2011. I really can't.
Seems like I have lost contact with people except my classmate Izzi.
Oh yea and I remember I attended ADC commissioning. That's the happy moment I remember, seeing all my juniors and officer. That's Jan, where I lost some weight too due to stress and personal issues.

February came rushing in. Assignment due date. Spend the first week of Feb doing assignment for Health Assessment and Research (critique on article). This time round, trying to keep close to the word limit. Written more than 2000words, still kinda worried those exceeded words. As usual I have got two of my bestest friends helping me prove read and correct where necessary. Just can't thank them enough though. Thanks again. =)

Chinese New Year, family gathering at my last uncle house. This year is kind of different because my house used to be the gathering point for everyone. Well, nothing special. Just each family brought dishes and eat together. CNY eve is just with my own family at home where my mum and dad preparing steamboat after that me and my brothers went out for a movie.

Second week of Feb, back to work. Glad to see working colleague again. My ward is left with 4 cubicles due to the renovation. Changed of nurse manager, one of them. Nothing change, as usual people still gossip here and there.
Well, finally I have submitted my PR application. My third time visiting ICA.
Next is my E-pass. Awaiting HR to get back to me for medical check-up and then proceed to M.O.M to submit forms for renewal of my pass.

Another thing, my nursing officer offer me a change of working environment. I accepted it after a serious consideration. I will be out to the clinic attach to a Fall nurse clinician for four months, three days per week. A break from ward workload a while. Of course I still need to work in the ward for 2 days. Well, is still so much better. =) Not having night shift, office hour. Quite a number of people got jealous or envy that I got selected for this. I just hope they don't see me differently or feel threaten by me. Just attachment and I will be back to the ward after for months. My nurse manager still remind me to come back and don't stay at fall clinic. I am quite honoured and thankful for the chance.
I guess, there are many paperwork to do. PAPERWORK... -.- well, nevermind! Must take it positively seriously.
phew.... =P

Active resus
Okay, I had a great resuscitation on last Sunday. My patient collapsed while resting on arm chair.
Resuscitated for more than an hour and half. I got to be thankful that happened in the afternoon where afternoon staffs sign in for duty already. So, got extra helpers... I can't imagine with only 4 people with minimal experience doing it. The wife continue to cry like she has lost a husband, yea she really lost him. That's very sad you know. The feeling of loosing someone u love the most in the world is so devastating and crashing.

Attached to AED defrib machine when the on call arrived. Rhythm in VF, hardly in sinus rhythm. CPR and baging continuously. He was intubated too. Total shock given 29 shock, including 3 shocks along the way to non invasive cardiac lab. Drugs, adrenaline 10 ampoules, atropine, amiodarone, sodiumbicarb.. Like wow!!! I had difficulty in diluting drug initially because I have never met an active resus and my hand kind of shaking. Gosh!!! Force myself to maintain composure and focus. The place is in a mess... everything everywhere...
next interesting part is we rushed like hell pushing trolley to lab. It is really an emergency.. kinda like in medical drama. Well, things to take note of is remember to print summary from the machine. Well, everything is too late. He died of cardiac arrest, coronary artery blockage quite badly.

After the whole thing, met up with my best friend. Yea, obviously I was late for date again.
Went to town, had potato-ish dinner and movies.
Movie marathon kinda. Just Go with it & Blackswan.
Sunday night ended nicely.
It was 13th again.
=)

A move

2011-01-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

Every good thing must come to an end.
I remembered this phrase each time every good thing ends.

:)

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Never ending torture

2010-12-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

Not even fully three years. Already thinking of switching my job. I've never put nursing as my career. That's not really what I want. Definition for 'job' and 'career' is different, go check it out.

I've been putting up with all the unnecessary workload! I really had enough. I thought I will like it but the nursing here/now is totally different from what I thought it was. It ain't easy. Ya, nothing in this world is ever easy. Why do I complain so much? Why not I just fucked off and payback the sum?

Well, I know I shouldn't give up so easily and that's why I'm still hanging on try and try.
If there's no challenges, it would be a mundane routine and so on.
Mmmm..truth to be told, there's an incident happened last week, rest assured I never caused any harm to my patient. This incident causes me to raise an hosp-occurance report. I thought that's enough and is over. Who knows the FUCKING top management went to investigate more of where is staff mistake instead of checking where his own system mistake.
An error made is not on purpose, do you think I didn't take it seriously? I still can't get over it, never!!
If the staff went into depressive state, I don't think the hospital would give fuck. Staffs been treated like shit! They just pretend to care and then add in more paperwork when they wanna a paperless system. What shit are they talking!??? Can they make up their childish mind?! Stop playing with SOP, BUNDLE.

Instead of finding out how are we coping? Is the system too tough to follow or is it necessary? staffing enough? NO!! They rely on this weird system called t-r-e-n-c-a-r-e which said that m-o-h will oversee this. Patients 'aquity' ( not sure of the spelling) or something else.

Oh god!!! I have so much to share! How unhappy we are and how the staff there long to leave.

For now I really can't take it anymore and I burst out crying in front of my boy everytime I meet him. It's a torture for him to see me this sad. I know.. But I can't act out that 'I'm fine' I really can't. God just forgive me for behavin this way. I will try to change my attitude and behaviour. Just give me some time. Need to vent it out first!! Been bottle up for so long and I'm suffocating.
I want to go out of this place because this is not where I want to be. I don't want to be unhappy everyday. I gotta like what I am doing.

Tomorrow post, hopefully I will be writting something more positive and ways to cope with those nonsense.
Ale Ai Kim!!! I can do this. (",)
I'm not a loser!

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Getting somehwere negative

2010-12-10T06:54:00.000+08:00

It's getting tough. Life suppose to be like this?
Myself in this year, full time nurse, part time student, part time daughter, full time lover and friend.

Getting hard to wake up in the morning. Getting difficult to go to bed without wishing my boy good night. Getting irritated with all the new bundle/forms implemented in the ward. Getting emotional with people words.

Why am I getting so negative.
Where is my old self?
That one that take everything easily and calmly. The one that don't break a sweat over somehing minor. The one that is strong and hardly cry. The one that gonna bring herself far away someday.

I miss me more.

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Mouth

2010-12-04T16:54:00.000+08:00

I will NOT talk more to anyone who is only capable of spreading words, capable of twisting words, telling storries and gossip among colleagues.
My own problem or whatever issues I don't want to share it with them. Never!!!
They are so not reliable and the scariest creatures on earth!!! I am scared of them! They say they will keep secrets. In their heart "I'm gonna share this juicy new gossip to so and so".
Judged and you will be judge fucker!!

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If u ever feel like shit

2010-12-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

Good night!!! I want to sleep early today. My day is too fucking tough and it's gone beyond my tolerance level. I fucking broke down in front of people. That's not very glamourous when I am known as a friendly happy and bubbly girl. I don't usually show mine kind of weakness to people. I just can't take it anymore and when something reminded me of my sad past. Fuck!!! That's it!!!
I hate it!!! And I can't say it out loud.
One thing that's true, 'you will never ever forget how the person made you feel'.

I feel myself living in a place that's scarier than hell.

I am still myself anyway.

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Our hundred days, our kind of love.

2010-11-22T14:09:00.004+08:00

Our hundred days on the 20th Nov 2010.

"We reached our 100 day. 3 digit already and it's so unbelieveable". Boy randomly calculate the days he spend time loving me and being with me.
Isn't it lovely when a boy just came up to you and tell you all this. I always thought only girls will keep track of those little little things. This really show how much our relationship meant to him. I feel myself so lucky to be loved by him. Loving him comes naturally and I am so attracted to him now.
Since today is day off and so freaking free, I traced back my year 2009 and 2010 chat log with him. We actually do keep in touch all the while. Hahah! It's just normal hi-bye friend conversation. He always approached me first on msn. =D
This boy... hahah... love me so damn much.

Well, back to our hundred day, diary.
Can't see him after work because he has his brother wedding dinner to attend to.
Our date at 12midnight instead and I overslept. Woke up exactly at 12.07am. I didnt hear my alarm because it is on the other side charging. Felt so guilty because he is waiting for me alone at causeway point. He just recover from sick, how can he waited for me. Quickly dressed up and rushed down to bus stop. Unfortunately I missed the bus so had no choice but to cab there. Taxi driver was so surprised. I told him I've an important date and a show to catch at 12.35am.
Finally reached cwp, dear was waiting for me already. So glad that he caught me coming towards the main door. He looking so good in his smart formal attire. Can't stop stealing glances at him. Hugged him so tight and apologies for being late. He is always so understanding. Gave a naughty wink and kissed my forehead. He grabbed my hand and walked so fast to cinema together.
I bought him a gift, glad that he like it. I think it suits him. =)

Our date is always so special and I like every single one of them.
p/s: I don't want this to end.

Always in my mind

2010-11-19T13:09:00.000+08:00

I have never feel anything like this before.
Heart fluttering, butterflies in stomach and you looking forward to nothing but to meet him tonight.
It is always been like this. We still get so excited to see other eventhough we just met up not long ago.
He is always so sweet and nice.
Love his scent, the warmth when he hug me, the electrical jolt send down my spine when he touches me, the smile on my face when he whisper sweet nothing into my ear. The way he wink and grin like big Teddy bear melt me.
The way he cares about me. <3

p/s: love you dearly.

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Just when I needed you the most.

2010-11-12T20:32:00.001+08:00

Backdate to 10/11/2010

Exam nearing, 5 days more from the date above.
Studying alone in civic centre library as my cousin is doing housework at home.
Sweetheart know about it. His nights out today and I so wish that I could meet him. Well, he accompany me by texting me. Deep down I wanted so much to appear in library stat. I knew that would never happen because I didn't even tell him about it.

Well, I thought he was buying his dinner and going home. Who knows he appeared right behind me. This guy holding a box of stuff, carrying his backpack sat beside me. WTF!!! If I wasn't in the library, I would scream and jump on him already. Such a sweetest suprise he gave me. Also, he prepared this studybox for me. Box full of hershy kisses, loacker biscuit and my fav Oreo sweets and a red rose. 3 letters found inside. Hahah!!! He is so adorable to the max!! My Teddy bear honey sweetheart. He making me fall in love with him even more.

Oh yea, there was a moment when I imagined he came. Is that telepathy? Is it real that I could feel him? I just love this kind of connection between two people.
He really came to see me. So sweet of him!!!

I not gonna love him less.
Myeverlastinglove is him.
<3>

I care

2010-10-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

Now that there is so many things. I am a bit lost at this point of time. Trying to think about what to be done and so on. Exhausted big time!

Thinking about tomorrow, making me tired already eventhough it is my day off.
Goodness gracious!!!

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What is their problem?

2010-10-03T08:55:00.000+08:00

Whoa whoa whoa!!! Another middle age old man staring at me like one kind! Do I look like a prisoner?! Prostitute?! Funny words on my face or toilet roll stuck in my nose?! Psychotic look?! At this hour, at vivocity. I don't like that kind of look especially when some old uncle turned around calling me 'STUPID' in the bus yesterday before he alight. I wasn't that deeply affected, I just wonder why?! WHY on earth there is a stranger wants to call you a stupid. What did they see? Do they even know me?
So, what is written in my face that I can't see. He noticed me noticing his stare, he still continue to stare at me. Urgh!!! The feeling is so uncomfortable. I look hard back at him of course!

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Breathe...finally..

2010-10-01T06:29:00.000+08:00

Hey, I was really glad our hard work have paid off. We got good remarks/comments from our bio science lecturer. I know we could have done better because she said she was waiting for more. Well, it wasn't that tough afterall. It is just that the information we searched is overwhelming. Too much information and we took up so much time to sum it up, shorthen it by paraphrasing. During the presentation I was so nervous, half of the time I am not sure if I'm explaining the right thing. I am just lack of confident when I am in front of so many people. Stage fright as always. I believe practise make perfect.
Oh well, two tutorial left for bio.

yea...

2010-09-30T18:06:00.001+08:00

Why do I even care in the first place?!
KIM! It's none of your business... don't be so busybody...
Fine!

Never feel this way

2010-09-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

I came back home, feeling so tired, slouched on sofa...don't feel like moving... Just wanna shut my eyes till I regain all my energy and my consciousness.
So exhausted!!! I can hardly breathe... So much things awaiting to be done. Oh god!!
I need a break already!

Yes! October. I will just switch my mind to October. Pretending September is over by now.
October will be my expedition!!!
I know my officer is kinda worried bout me and my experience on mountain. My physical and stamina, I haven't train to the extend that can carry loaded backpack and walk for whole day. The last time I did was 3yrs back. Island hike with ADC. That was nothing compared to huge mountain.
Another to worried about. Well... Just go through it... Gonna be worth it. I canfuckingdoit!!

-Up next is 2 bio presentation.
-To complete and submit crappy 2000 words essay on Thursday.

Sometimes my life can be so overwhelming! I used to have lots of time with my favourite people. Now my life doesn't allow me to have such freedom anymore. I have neglected my bestfren lela and I feel bad about it. I know she understand my condition now but still....thing changes and I don't want us to grow apart... Well, babe...I'll see you again on coming Thursday.

Well, not sure of what I scribbled on above. I got to go shower now...
Oh ya! Today bio exam was the coolest!!! mCq was perfect. SAQ, wrote crap...mostly are pathophysiology. I don't write words by words! Wrote some nonsense and wish it to be correct. Today at bestway is fun loving and joyous day. We aren't that lonely...we found group of friend to mix with. Damn awesome!!!! =) we will be in the same tutorial group for next semester. Okay this motivates me to continue with my studies.
..... <3 may the peace be with me.

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I need motivation

2010-09-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

I will start my sociocultural perspective on health assignment tomorrow.
Tell me what the fuck is social determinants first. ?!!!

Oh god!!!

coming home for 22nd birthday

2010-08-29T15:41:00.011+08:00

I have lost count of how many awake hours since 28 August. Roughly 27 hours.

Today I turned 22 years old. I was truly blessed to have such wonderful Friends and Family by my side.
Been planning and looking at calender everyday finally the day is here, rushed back JB on Friday (27 August) just to spend time with my dearest family. Spend the whole evening at K-box. Gotten a family package (ain't cheap)!! Include buffet dinner, karaoke from 8am to 12am, my brother choosed the awesome vanilla chocolate cake for me, dedicated the most touching song for me, yea we had a lot of fun and bonding. What more can I ask for? All I ask for is from God to take care of their health and safety. They are my love ones, I can never bear to loose them. Eventhough life and death is all destined/fated, I would pray for them everyday down on bended knee. Nothing can be use to compare the loves that my parents gave me since my birthday. No monetary could repay their kindness. Trust me. That day I did some reflection and I realised the saying 'love can't be bought by money', which is so damn true.

Cherish while they still around and do good while I still can. Would they appreciate my monthly money for them if I don't go home and pay a visit. Parents just want their children to come home safely. It is not a lot and yet I felt it was the least I could do every week.

Since my part time course started I hardly go home but that never stop me for making time for them. How tired, I still travel back. Of course when exam comes, time really need to be divided properly. I am a damn slow coach!! 3 weeks more to BIO exam and SOCIO assignment due date. What have I done? This is serious... I've been playing too much till there is no limit. Somehow, I am quite disappointed with myself. I have to seriously start searching back for the old me the studious me. Time is not the same like last time anymore, we're all spoon fed by lecturer. Now, PART-TIME student!!! Get your own shit together. Yea, it is my damn decision to take up part-time. I don't blame my mum for pushing me, why blame her when she did it for my own good. I can only blame my fucking lazy self.

Alright... Just finalised my bio presentation. It is no kid work.
And All my JB girls are coming to s'pore but haven't contact me yet. I just hope they forgotten about me. I want to sleep on this beautiful day, 29 August. I had BLAST enough already...yesterday and the day before.

Well, yesterday... met up with the 7 sec sch girls. All planned by Cindi and the rest. Had lunch at lavender. Girls are all pretty and awesome! All talked about work and how we are still single and stuff. That's funny... I didn't see myself as worried as much as them. I just don't know why. When you're meant to be with the someone, he will appear right in front of you. All this life I have been waiting. Yea, no rush. Anyway, this year present from them is splendid... bird nest!!! I was speechless... they are so sweet!! Thought of me working shift work. Where do I get such girlfriends.. tell me!! They are my another loves. This friendship which I can say would last forever. They are worth the word 'forever'. Only them make me feel the word 'forever' exist.
I dare to admit I've given up on other friendship. If you want to stay in my life, you should make an effort. If you don't want, by forcing you also there is no point. It would be best for those not interested or want to take me just for some moment, please don't come and interrupt my life. Don't make me fall real hard for you and then you leave. I don't appreciate this kinda small thing. Honestly speaking, I am quite a demanding girl, depends how much you mean to me too.

Still awaiting to spend time with Lela babe and Elton, Khairul. They are my poly bestest buddy.

Not forgetting Amirul drove from Yishun just to see me 5mins and gave a chocolate as present. Royce chocolate, believe me...I never had them before. Everyone around me is just so nice. Asked myself, do I even deserve this? What should I do in return?

Anway,
After yesterday afternoon with girls, rushed back s'pore to meet him. I was so torn in between when come to decide on -
1] accept my girls invitation to party on dancefloor,
2] come back s'pore for him (I know he is dying to see me)

I made the second choice. I felt it was right because my mum don't really like me to stuck in a club for hours. Second, my mum will somehow feel I am meeting a guy. You know the kinda of mum and children connection, they seriously will sense our behaviour or act. I hardly lie to her since young. She just know that I am meeting a guy that's it. Well, she trusted me enough and stop questioning. But I am doing something she will never agree. I am torn again. I am always stuck in between. I really don't know what to do sometimes. I did wish that the boy don't fall so hard for me or we stay as normal friends first to get to know each other better because I can't promise him a future. He loves me too damn much and I know he is for real, I can't break his heart. Breaking his heart is equivalent to breaking my ownself because I've fallen for him too. I do brood about this matter and upset about it but he didn't know. NO! He knows about it. Oh GOD!! Why am I in this situation which there might be a possibility breaking and destroying one true heart and one true love. This is just too cruel.

These 3 days... I truly felt so blessed. I am so grateful for what I have now. Time spend with him is awesome. There won't be another guy like him who loves me like this crazy. He told me everything and there's no reason to not to believe him because he even wrote it out years back. I was so damn touched reading all his notes. Like fucking unbelievable, the boy I waited is standing right before me.

He held my hand,
pulled me close to him, I listened to his heartbeat
and memories every beat so that I won't be lost.
The warmth,
from his body keep me warm when I am feeling cold.
The hug,
is so tight I don't wish to let go at all so that I am safe with him.
The lips,
that touches mine taste as sweet as green tea.( from you)

The roses he gave me.
I expected it, boy. Just that I didn't mention it.
Telepathy remember. =)

The unbloomed! Thanks... made me so curious.
p/s: we had dinner and watch step up 3.

I don't want to forget the movie I watch
with you .
The 'knowing' movie is still mysterious.

New adventure for August

2010-07-30T15:38:00.004+08:00

Above picture is hang out day with Lela after our morning shift. Toa Payoh Park, random place. Her present for her 21st b'day.

Well, July is ending.. All in all, I must say it is extremelyamazing. *smiles* This is like monthly update. I still have an entry on June in my draft post. No time to update on it. Just way too much fun and lots of things happening. I wish I have more time for ADC events too. I miss my juniors, grandjuniors... and whole lot of fun in the club. Road run and biathlon, I missed it. How could I?

Anyway, my part-time degree starting in two days time. OFFICIALLY.

I'm seriously looking for it. Evening classes is like a new adventure, a new chapter. What a way to welcome August 2010. A month that I'll turn double two years old too.

I'm going for my first lesson in the evening after my night shift on the 2nd August.

I know it's gonna be taxing for me...well well well... I see it coming. I just know that I'll be able to overcome it. Life is not always easy. A quote from a friend : 'If you think you can, you can'.

I am awaiting for October at the same time. Tentative plan is Taiwan mountaineering for two weeks. It keeps me moving. Moving on... It's time to start hinting my parents that I'm going oversea trip again. ;D

Impromptu run

2010-07-24T00:35:00.001+08:00

Friday is usually/always a day to drop by old sch, meet up close friend, fellow juniors and dinner after work out.
Today, everyone back out last minute! B'day suprise postponed! Juniors having practise for some event! I was left without plan. I was effing pissed for a moment. It is friday and nothing goes as plan. WTF.
So, after work I drop by next ward invited my medical officer for a run. She is damn on! Had 2 hours of running and walking around town area.
I start to have this thought of doing adventure race in town. It is great for navigation checkpoint. Fuckyeahcool!!!
We were finding our way to botanical garden. We made it with some help of course! Strangers, signboards and own memories.. Haha!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-07-13T18:03:00.002+08:00

Some people say:
You should just stay away from your exes, someone who don't love you back, someone you once love, your crushes and whosoever. By clinging onto them you’re just making yourself look stupid for still being there. Unless you’re just plain dumb and stupid, you can live in misery and inflict mental and physical pain on yourself for something that you won’t get or get back.

Let go and move on.
You are already out of their league.

Someone once told me:
"Stop hurting yourself, she don't even care about you anymore."
It made me realised
How naive and silly I was, I believe whatever people say. I trust them, their words and all. It is alright if they never take any action because words already mean a lot to me.
In the end, I was the one who get fucking hurt.

People come and go, it is alright. Just don't get so attached to them or new people you've met.

MONDAY.. BIG DEAL???

2010-06-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

Hey miss bloggie...
Today has been freeeaakkkkinnnnggggg crazy! What? My work, yes. I wanna bitch about it a lot a lot.... The other day I was just saying I felt like I'm working part-time instead of full-time. Being cursed by myself. Stupid! IDK... It's seriously tough now. System changed, everything changed ever since NEW UM and new ward NO came. Well, not surprise at all. Expected!
I've changed too, my attitude! Sometimes I'm good, sometimes I am bad. Forced to change because some people just can't be bothered and irritating and I have to be like 'rude and loud'.
Those big shot, they came in and fault you, of course I have to stand up for myself.
Pheewww... I am waiting for my day to come so I can leave too... but I will never regret that I ever been this ward because it taught me a lot and an experience that I will never get from anywhere else.

EVERYTHING FIND THE IN CHARGE!!

Patients' head to toe,
diet to clothing,
investigation to procedures,
family member to spokeperson,
social worker to allied healthcare,
environment to service.

Sometimes I asked myself what the fuck am I doing??
Junior are not held responsible? They are registered staffs too. Not those illiegal workers!
still bitching...

PEOPLE TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED!! Error happened! Human error.... another WTF! I really feel sorry for that. 'We learn from others' mistakes'?

A smile is really a good way to turn your day around. A palliative doctor spoken to me or I can say discuss patients' matter. Well, he appears to be so friendly, smiling and really look into my eyes for acknowledgement/suggestions/answer... This is like.. I want to learn from him. HE is one example I wanna follow. CALM AND COOL.... CALM and COOL.. chant this everytime I'm in trouble.

Also my lovely Junior told me to "believe that everyday is a special day"
I will think of them whenever I feel like giving up. It motivates me. Words motivates me and keep me going. I know they meant it, I just know that. Cause, I believe everyone is true until they prove it otherwise.
Alright bloggie...I stil had a lot more... most of it I've shared with my best babe.

Colorgenics profile

2010-06-15T23:39:00.000+08:00

You appreciate the better things of life and you don't particularly want to strive in order to achieve them. What a pity you were not born into the Gentry with servants, etc. Unfortunately - life is not like that. You have the ability to be whatever it is that you would like to be but you must make the effort.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

It would seem that an existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory and you feel that there is little that you can do about it without 'some help from your friends', but you have no desire to show the world how vulnerable you really are and therefore you consider it inadvisable to display affection or be over demonstrative. You regard this particular relationship as a depressing tie and although you would like to be independent and unhampered, you don't want to run the risk of losing anything. All this leads you to react 'touchily' and with impatience, while the urge to 'get away from it all' results in considerable restlessness and stress. Your ability to concentrate may suffer.

You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realise those dreams and to turn them into reality.

Between me myself and I.

2010-06-15T00:57:00.004+08:00

Dear blogger...

I have so much to blog about. When I come to this page, whatever that was on my mind seems to vanish. It's funny. So, I'll just type anything that flows in.
These five days of work, I realised I'm a bit different now?
Probably my team of doctor is awesome. They each deserved a bear hug from me.
They will just listen to my suggestion and take note of them.
Like we're being appreciated. I guess that's what we want. To be recognised and appreciate. I'm kind of grateful.
Yeah.. I've worked with all my heart and soul. It's something I want to find back, the way I work. Something belong to me. My heart. It's fixed now. Intact with regular heartbeat.
I don't know what kind of feeling is this. I just feel COMPLETE like this.
I believe in miracles.

All I wanted to do now is to ease my patients' pain. Have you ever seen their tears that stream down their face begging you to ease their pain.
PAIN is the fifth vital sign that we shouldn't ignore.
I've learn quite a few things from team doctor? yes/no?
When patients complaint of shortness of breath, what are the intervention?
Just be aware that SOB can lead to NSTEMI.
Definition:
NSTEMI is an acronym meaning "non-ST segment elevation myocardial infarction," which is a type of heart attack. This is determined by a electrocardiogram (ECG) test.
Not only asthma attack but a heart attack.

This time I'm still trying very hard to learn as much medical information from them all.
The interest for medical diagnosis and treatment plan is still there. I can't ignore it you know, my curiosity. Sometimes I'm just plain lazy to read. I dislike this habit. Old habits die hard. ;)
Another best thing is I am stuck in the same team. I wish I would be the same team again when I get back to work this Wednesday.
I've spoken to this medical officer. She is a Malaysian and a graduand from Canada. Like WOW!! When I was young I wanted to migrate to Canada. I don't know what is nice about Canada, I just want to go there. How silly I could be. Now I can say I'M INSPIRED BY HER! It is possible that my dream will come true one day. [inspiration + motivation]
New Zealand too.. I wonder when will that happen? ***daydreamsss

From this physiotherapist of my ward. I saw the passion in him and the way he treats his patients. He went extra miles for them. The care he had for them, no other allied health care could beat him. I was amazed. Awesome. I was observing him most of the time, for today because it is his last day in my ward. So gonna miss him.
I bumped into him on Sunday at hospital lift. He was in just T-shirt and jeans and me just off work, he looks great. Like! it was so nice to see him. I love the way he smiles and wink.
Not that I've fallen for him. I just like that kind of sincere smile he has got. His eyes shine.
The first thing I look for in people is their eyes and smile.

These few days I'm taking 6 or 7 cases and supervising a student who is taking 5 cases.
She is way too far off as compared to Tiffany, one of my favourite student few months back.
I know by comparing is wrong. But I just couldn't help it. The way this girl work pissed me off sometimes and I got to hold my temper. Ha-Ha!! Anyway, I did try my very best to take time and help her. Don't forget I was at her stage before. I put myself in her shoes and look through what and how I want it to be.
But, when I was a student, I listened and never talk back.

Well, I've been through ups and downs at work. How my patients went really crazy and create havoc in my ward. How my patients spit antibiotic that I had pounded for her into my face.
How my demented patient want to fight with me with the killer look in her eyes.

All in all, the best thing is I've my best babe listen to me. That's enough already. I know she will always be there for me.
I'm happy with myself now.
Do what I do best.
One true heart, one true soul.
I want to serve mankind with passion.
My goal.

Once -falling slowly

2010-06-09T13:38:00.000+08:00

Hey Best Buddy

2010-06-06T17:06:00.004+08:00

My friend was so random yesterday.
Yesterday was 5th June and she said, " Today is a good day".
I asked. "why?"
"One more month to my birthday?"
"Ha-ha!"
In my heart - yes babe, I missed your last year celebration. Wanna celebrate with you this year.
=)

Yesterday was great!
Attended Noh's b'day celebration. A surprise party planned by his girlfriend at pasir ris.
Awesome people, awesome food.
After that met up with my best buddy from poly, Elton and Khairul.
Chilled out at a bar at pasir ris park for half an hour before changing location as Henry is joining us too.
Drove to lau pat sat. Good thing Elton's dad car has got GPS thingy.
My iphone map sucks. Not really help because of the speed.
Watched midnight show at 2am. KILLER. I love the show..
Drove pass by Kallang MacDonald. Had very early breakfast before Elton sending us home.
Reached home already 5.15am. Goddamn hour. I creeped quietly into my bed after a cold shower..
Feel so good.
And now I am thinking about my future plan. First gotta complete my 2 years part-time bachelor in science first. Will be commence in July. I'm so looking forward to it.
I guess I won't have time to like hang out till wee hour or go back NYP so often to climb and run with those juniors. hhmm..mm... not much time left.

all you will never know

2010-06-04T00:42:00.001+08:00

FUCK THE TEARS!
Another draft been saved.

I failed everytime I tried.
How much time do I fucking need?

It has become unbearable tears

2010-05-20T10:21:00.004+08:00

Hi!
May is ending and this is the first and the last post for May.

Things are kinda well...

Hang out with my secondary school friends every now and then, whenever I am back in JB or they came to S'pore to have dinner or lunch. And their status would be: 'Going overseas for lunch today'. It's funny! I think they are still the best friends I ever had. The usual gang : Cindi, Huah Rong, Yvonne, Hui Zhen. Wei Ling now is already an accounts auditor, really quite difficult to meet up with her eventhough we are working in the same country now.
A few are in KL and in London.
We are called 'sakais' gang back in sec sch. Haha! We ain't complete without the 12 of us.
Now is a bit hard to have a complete group.

Funny how people think I am together with Cindi. Come on! Can't I have a best close girl friend. Is it so hard for people to accept or see ? PEOPLE LOVE TO JUDGE. Go ahead dear fkers! I'm tired of living with people like this. You not happy, you can leave! The door is always open.
People just wanna dig story from me and spread it like wildfire. Dream on! It is not concern but a fake concern from them which I don't need it.
Well for me, I don't really enjoy watching or be part with this kind of people. Watching them further on would make me lost my respect for them and loose faith in people. Full of bull_shit! stupid peeple!
I've few other best close girl friends, Lela, Charlene, Qing Ying, Kim, my cousin Shannon.

Not forgetting my two best close guy friends, Elton and Khairul. We enjoyed bickering, mocking at one another, sharing the most exciting stories and inside jokes throughout poly days. Now still keeping in touch with them eventhough they are in army/Navy. Now I am waiting for June to come so that I could hang out with them till dawn one of the day.

Last but not least my Adventure Club Alumnis and Juniors. Yea, I go back NYP very often ever since poly started. Fridays are open for alumnis to climb and get together.
New rockwall is tough! Actually I didn't climb much, I just want to hang out there and be with them. It is like my 3rd home.

Work in my ward... erm.. workload is heavy as usual, nothing new. I worked with a happy heart and grumble less during work. When I came across certain things that is hard to accept, I would really talk to my mum about it. She has been very supportive. Yea... work is never easy but I'm trying my best to make it as easy as possible.
Till this date, I have faced quite a number of death cases and I am too numbed to be depressed or shed tears. I don't feel anything at all. Let me explained, our assignments are not fixed. Today you're assigned to nurse team 1 then next day team 2. Forever changing. Main point is, we don't always nursing the same patients. Life and death already part and parcel in my life.
Do cherish people you love or you once loved before it's too late especially your parents. I've seen a lot of this advice. We tend to take things for granted, I'm one of them for sure. =P

At the end of the day please don't blame any healthcare professional for not informing earlier or informing late that your love one is dangerously ill and has already rest in peace. The complaints won't bring them back to life. What you had caused/brought are sufferings to people who are still alive (healthcare professional). Trust me, you don't want to create chaos and make a mountain out of a molehill. Spare our little life please.

Wanna mention, a lot of staffs has left or planning to leave my ward. wth! sigh!
Another thing is I can't understand why they have this fear among them. They are scared of each other. Funny how I will never understand this point. Let them be cause I am stuck in between and don't know what to say. Probably I was daring enough to ignore all the unnecessary fear and stay happy go lucky. Whatever they want to say about me, be my guest!

Blogging is a kind of remedy. =)
Off to bed now. Last night shift tonight and I will be gone for a good while.
Be back in 1st of June.

I just felt, after this one whole year of working life and people that I've met along the way changed me in a way that I don't even recognize myself anymore. This is a bit terrifying. I thought about this while on my way back from work.
I get hurt so damn easily! I thought I was strong. Probably I was wrong.
Gonna take some time and do self reflection. I will seriously considering of giving up something and it's not easy to do that. Once I've decided, that will lead to giving up everything and shut away from everything until I have only one thing to concentrate in.
Yeah... a 22 years old mind is already giving up in exchange for a stronger heart.

2010-04-27T23:33:00.001+08:00

Of all places, of all timing, of all trains... I bumped into Syima Kim. Haven't see her for 3 months.
If I was well and went to work and if I take train from Marsling instead of Woodlands station, I wouldn't have see her. Such a pure coincidence! It made my day...
Took shuttle bus together to go to KKH. One awesome thing I discover: Mr Bean from KKH is better than TTSH!! sigh!

My plan was go to TTSH walk-in clinic to have my heart check. No test was done. Doctor just diagnosed me as musculoskeletal chest pain. Anerax was prescribed?
I am not an idiot! so I didn't buy that drug.
Drop by ward for my Nursing officer/nurse manager farewell party my ward held for her.
Instead of getting reprimanded for not going to work, my sister told me "Ai Kim how are you feeling? Okay, don't worry about MC, go and eat first."
Like alright... maintain cool.. =D

I do feel bad about taking MC causing the whole ward so hectic, I didn't want it. I was serious about my sharp pain over my chest. Well, there are 3 staffs on MC that's why.
So, there are deploy in staff from other ward. Past few days, we're overstaffing and we've to deploy out staff to other ward. Not exactly overstaffing, it is just nice. sigh!
speechless! and the system sucks!

2010-04-26T00:54:00.003+08:00

I committed a fucking huge mistake that I could almost regret for the rest of my life.
I should be more fucking alert and be serious. Kicking off my lackadasical habit please...

Well... I seriously was speechless t the same time.

Used to.

2010-04-19T20:06:00.003+08:00

Read this at your own risk.
I might blurt out something mean, something hurtfully true.. So, I've decided to be mean to you just one time. ONE TIME by not replying. If you already know I won't reply.. you won't hope for it. So, it is by fate if you see this piece from me.

Now (two months later) you say it is not so worth by throwing our friendship away?
What is this? What are you trying to do?
Have you ever thought about my feeling? The day you just walked away. Not one time... it is a few times. All because of misunderstandings. I am weeping like an ass while typing this. I never hate you .. just feel extremely HURT!! As I cry, my left chest was aching that I could almost die.
Yea, I believe all of you and seriously know you mean every single word and everything we talked about.
I can't deny the fact that we once had the best moment, fun and laughter, tears and joy together.
I thought of you when I passed by those places we went ever since you left for Aus. It hits me real bad.
You were right once, I forgot the exact line you've said, it sounded like we seem to force this friendship to happen.
You're forgiven for what you have done.
You think one word sorry is enough to cover up how damaged you left me?
Don't come back and don't get me started to fall into this friendship all over again. Keep it as memory.
Healing a heartache is the most difficult thing on earth for me. I am tired of picking myself up everytime I fall. I need more time than others to get over thing.
This is a fucking hard decision to make. Do me a favour, concentrate on your studies, get over this matter. You would definitely do so much better in life than me.

The love for you as a friend still exist somehow but I can't commit anymore. I am sorry. I don't want to take the risk to see both of us ended up in a bigger fight or more misunderstanding anymore.
This whole fucking paragraph will sort of ruin you a little inside, I know you always have your way to fight back. You won't get affected by this.
Maybe next time our path may cross again or maybe never. Take care!

I went back to the place where I first believed

2010-04-10T14:19:00.006+08:00

Exchanged my singlet with junior's long sleeve cause

sunburned is too painful already.

ADC annual Berkelah Waterfall expedition, from 5th to 8th April 2010.
I never thought that I would go again. I remembered it was my Year 1 very first expedition in 2006.

Well, there are a total of 36 of us, include two SAO Mr Guru and Mr Wilfred, the four alumnis -Rafi, me, Charlene and Ming Fei.
I had so much fun! till I got bad sunburned because I was wearing singlet when trekking up to the waterfall twice.
Trekking up, we using jungle route.
River trek when coming down to base camp. Halfway, we split. Second part was challenging and tough, juniors are not suppose to follow so they trek down by jungle route whereas the four of us continue to follow boss to river trek down all the way. Trust me! It was near death experience! One wrong step or loose rock you're gonna fall. Fckyeah! Climbing those huge rocks and boulders if we unable to go by river. We got to trust our judgement and arm strength. Also, we have to cross rocks with water gushing down behind us. At the moment my pulse rate went up to 200beat per minute. There is a point where I slipped and fall into the water when I am suppose to jump. Boss thought that was a funny jump. Truth is I slipped! -_-
Believe it or not I was wearing seahorse brand crocs to trek and rockclimb! *LoL*
Our legs turned jelly few KM before we reach basecamp! We did not give up! We waited for one another. =) Along the way, funny things happened too. Giggling non-stop.
All in all it was challenging to the max and was a very good experience. If given a second chance, I will still say yes to it. =D .Yes to river trek.

Outside clubroom.

The four of us

The top fall.

Jumping point.

Look at their smiles!

act scared!

Crossing under?

Rock climb babe!

Huge rocks and boulders.

Every morning dip. Is a must.

Girls just wanna have fun!

2010-04-01T00:46:00.010+08:00

Last Saturday, 27/03/2010. Get away to a secret place. Desaru.....
4 of us in Yvonne's Proton Myvi. Road trip... approximately 2 hours drive, minus time we stop over for late lunch. Basically, I was so sleepy throughout the journey. Most probably it is post-night shift syndrome. Still I don't want be mood spoiler. Stay awake, but was quiet. Anyway, we have lots of fun. Happy browsing photos.
There is a time we met snatch thief! Monkey! Stolen our tidbits and was so fierce! I almost got bitten by him! Freaking scary! I swear I will never leave our belongings unattended again.

Jump start!

Wind was so strong, hard time laying out mat.

After fixing everything (kite). Here we go!

Yay!! Kite flying... almost a year I wanna kite flying...

look!

15 minutes later, my friend's kite crashed!
^.^

Retrieving...

Got stuck!

I came to rescue.

I am too short to reach for it..

Get a stick then

Got it!! But, need to cut the string.

Beautiful huh?

one for RM15.

NEVER set up your base under a tree!

Beware of monkey! (No signboard!)

Hello!

Gave up flying kite cause we failed to fly it up high.

Play in water instead.

Waves crashing..

It is coming and we didn't notice

run for our life!! wave too strong..

We got wet!

Ready to jump

Excellent!

Landing

Landed

Set timer for a group picture.

Lets call it a day....

Gone through the hardest part

2010-03-24T15:28:00.002+08:00

Anyway, I just can't wait for night shift tonight.

2010-03-23T14:31:00.002+08:00

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done
what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as
you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a
spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

A day without plan B

2010-03-19T02:44:00.002+08:00

It has been long seriously...

We make the best out of whatever day it is.

Not every story will have happy ending

2010-03-18T00:54:00.004+08:00

phew...
Watched Dear John like finally. The story gives me mixed emotion. I don't know!
and I'm tired...

Soundtrack:
Paperweight by Joshua Radin & Schyuler Fisk.
Shattered by Trading Yesterday.

wishbone or backbone

2010-03-15T00:55:00.005+08:00

Now it seems my head and heart decided to end the battle.
Victory is still myself no matter what.
Or maybe it is just the understanding has taken over.
Sometimes, I can't be bothered to tell people on how dead I was at the damn point of time?
(If they care, they will ask. I'm not sure if I will share it all, it has to depends if I'm comfortable to share it with you.)
If I can't understand and solve it myself, do you think people around you can?
I don't want that kind of sympathy or that kind of look.
I don't want them to agree blindly with me.
I believe I was a strong person till today.
Nothing is impossible.

It is not running away from things.
Just have to understand that their part in my story is over.
It is not okay to cry but tears are there to help to wash away the pain. Isn't it?

Same old story, nothing last.
Sometimes I feel that it is the matter of your heart.
The fact that nothing last can be beaten if only you use your heart to do whatever or overcome something.
Speaking about that, this apply to my career too.

Keep anger and agitation away. My goal for this month.

“I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears
into something bearable, even hopeful.”
— Bob Hope

iphone on shuffle

2010-03-14T23:58:00.004+08:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
~~4. Tag 15 friends.~~ tag yourself
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing
6. Have Fun!

1. If someone asks "Are you okay?", you say? Sweet escape by Gwen stafani (^^,)

2. How would you describe yourself? All the right moves by onerepublic

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Keep holding on by Avril lavigne ('(o)')

4. How do you feel today? Monsoon by Tokio -_-

5. What is your life’s purpose? Heartless by Kanye West (-_-)

6. What is your motto? You found me by The fray =)

7. What do your friends think of you? Never gonna be alone by Nikelback ^^

8. What do you think about very often? Already gone by Kelly Clarkson =(

9. What is 2+2? 4 in the morning by Gwen Stefani -.-

10. What do you think of your best friend? Down by Sean Jay (o(o)o)

11. What is your life story? Gravity by John Mayer =P

12. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy by Leona Lewis =D

2010-03-13T12:09:00.001+08:00

My primary school crush! -_^

Your best days are ahead of you

2010-03-08T00:28:00.004+08:00

Marvelous!! March is truly a new beginning. Beginning for everything... I don't know. Just everything. Fun and laughter under sunshine and rains.

Last whole week I don't even feel like I have been working 7 days straight. Plus handling critical patient in the isolation room. I am up to something! Hahahha!! nah.. just joking. I was working with pretty nice natural joker from my ward. Damn hilarious. I laugh every minute! Yes.. every minute. I would just broke into a smile or a laughter when I see her face. Can you imagine, I was giggling while passing report. WTF am i doing!! How others might think man! Insensible nurse, totally not serious at all. I wished I could just rush to the toilet halfway and laugh my heart out first. I don't know what is so funny but it really tickles me. Her giggle is so contagious. We ain't mocking at people though. Just some crazy stuff. I always looking forward to work with her ever since our night shift together. I did hear some bad comments about her. Damnit!! I don't really care.. cause I never see it. What if I've seen that before? That wouldn't make me loathe her or sulk the whole day because of what others' commented that I've got a bad partner. "Whatever and thank you for the warning." In my heart I say: I can manage even if she turns out to be that bad and I think we would work pretty well. =P

Not forgetting ITE yr 2 student. Priya really made my day! Damn straightforward when she talks. She knows I was admiring Dr Randal.. yeah right! He no longer in our ward. ITE Johnson and Daniel spoilt my name tag clip. Whatever is that called! And they replaced one immediately without me knowing. Anyway, they got for me favourite green. Lovely Crazy bunch of people la... and Marisa, that one that look like Janna.

Alright, that is part of my working world. Nothing but ENJOYING WORKING.

I would really sleep during my off day. I don't bother to step out of my house.

Social calender almost filled up.

This is shyanne, my secondary school friend. One of the 3 musketeers.

Hang out around Bugis area. Bugis is her territory! Yah!

After dinner, she brought me to taste this yummy ice-cream. Dessert! How can I ever resist!

Spoke to Kim Kecik!! Like finally...

When can I watch the movie 'Dear John'? ^_-

For now, I just wished my mum/dad would allow me to go for an expedition, the 5th of April. I dying to go somewhere close to nature seriously. Pretty please... dying to go... dying to dirty my shoes... dying to enjoy with crazy bunch of adventure club people... dying to lie down under a dark sky that is full of stars... dying to dip in extremely cold water... That would seriously bring me back to life!!! Go Kim!!

God.. I hope you hear this. =)

I am not suppose to cry but I cried

2010-02-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

I am sick, tired, and sad!! DAMN IT!!!
I need to go out and thrash everything out.

Maybe let me cry out too.

Someone please be there. Stranger is fine too.

Just look how miserable I am. I don't need you to say anything.

Don't ask why or what happened.

Just your presence is enough.

GoodBye February!! I guess it is the suckiest month for this year in my entire life.

I have no idea what is coming up for March. I am pretty scared seriously eventhough I may seem all happy and anticipating for March arrival.

All in all don't hope or ask for too much, I guess.

keep your head up high & gaze at the stars

2010-02-24T03:34:00.000+08:00

Be right back...
Probably won't be back for a good while.
Goodbye...
I don't feel like blogging when I am missing my best damn twin! Nah... just joking! I have lost passion in blogging.
Eventhough there are plenty of great and bad stuffz dying to be share, still...
Don't feel like means don't feel like!

kim-i always

2010-02-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Decided to keep this address, kym-i-12. Cause I miss it already. Miss talking/writting nonsense here.
It has been with me for almost 4 years. All ups and downs. The old one, I've stored it somewhere. Please don't bother to find.
This is new. One post per month? Will see how it goes okay....
When I get bored or have nothing to do, here is my place to kill time. =D