Sunday, December 12, 2010
Not even fully three years. Already thinking of switching my job. I've never put nursing as my career. That's not really what I want. Definition for 'job' and 'career' is different, go check it out.
I've been putting up with all the unnecessary workload! I really had enough. I thought I will like it but the nursing here/now is totally different from what I thought it was. It ain't easy. Ya, nothing in this world is ever easy. Why do I complain so much? Why not I just fucked off and payback the sum?
Well, I know I shouldn't give up so easily and that's why I'm still hanging on try and try.
If there's no challenges, it would be a mundane routine and so on.
Mmmm..truth to be told, there's an incident happened last week, rest assured I never caused any harm to my patient. This incident causes me to raise an hosp-occurance report. I thought that's enough and is over. Who knows the FUCKING top management went to investigate more of where is staff mistake instead of checking where his own system mistake.
An error made is not on purpose, do you think I didn't take it seriously? I still can't get over it, never!!
If the staff went into depressive state, I don't think the hospital would give fuck. Staffs been treated like shit! They just pretend to care and then add in more paperwork when they wanna a paperless system. What shit are they talking!??? Can they make up their childish mind?! Stop playing with SOP, BUNDLE.
Instead of finding out how are we coping? Is the system too tough to follow or is it necessary? staffing enough? NO!! They rely on this weird system called t-r-e-n-c-a-r-e which said that m-o-h will oversee this. Patients 'aquity' ( not sure of the spelling) or something else.
Oh god!!! I have so much to share! How unhappy we are and how the staff there long to leave.
For now I really can't take it anymore and I burst out crying in front of my boy everytime I meet him. It's a torture for him to see me this sad. I know.. But I can't act out that 'I'm fine' I really can't. God just forgive me for behavin this way. I will try to change my attitude and behaviour. Just give me some time. Need to vent it out first!! Been bottle up for so long and I'm suffocating.
I want to go out of this place because this is not where I want to be. I don't want to be unhappy everyday. I gotta like what I am doing.
Tomorrow post, hopefully I will be writting something more positive and ways to cope with those nonsense.
Ale Ai Kim!!! I can do this. (",)
I'm not a loser!
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♥our lips must always be sealed
1:39 AM
Friday, December 10, 2010
It's getting tough. Life suppose to be like this?
Myself in this year, full time nurse, part time student, part time daughter, full time lover and friend.
Getting hard to wake up in the morning. Getting difficult to go to bed without wishing my boy good night. Getting irritated with all the new bundle/forms implemented in the ward. Getting emotional with people words.
Why am I getting so negative.
Where is my old self?
That one that take everything easily and calmly. The one that don't break a sweat over somehing minor. The one that is strong and hardly cry. The one that gonna bring herself far away someday.
I miss me more.
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♥our lips must always be sealed
6:54 AM
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I will NOT talk more to anyone who is only capable of spreading words, capable of twisting words, telling storries and gossip among colleagues.
My own problem or whatever issues I don't want to share it with them. Never!!!
They are so not reliable and the scariest creatures on earth!!! I am scared of them! They say they will keep secrets. In their heart "I'm gonna share this juicy new gossip to so and so".
Judged and you will be judge fucker!!
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♥our lips must always be sealed
4:54 PM
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Good night!!! I want to sleep early today. My day is too fucking tough and it's gone beyond my tolerance level. I fucking broke down in front of people. That's not very glamourous when I am known as a friendly happy and bubbly girl. I don't usually show mine kind of weakness to people. I just can't take it anymore and when something reminded me of my sad past. Fuck!!! That's it!!!
I hate it!!! And I can't say it out loud.
One thing that's true, 'you will never ever forget how the person made you feel'.
I feel myself living in a place that's scarier than hell.
I am still myself anyway.
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♥our lips must always be sealed
10:05 PM
